


Tragedy, plus time

by Mary_the_gardener



Series: Advent songfics challenge 2019 [19]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Does this even make sense?, Don't blame me it's Yuzu that talks through metaphores, Gen, Grand Prix Final Banquet, Meaningful conversations, More like a monologue oops, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21770488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_the_gardener/pseuds/Mary_the_gardener
Summary: One would think that the Grand Prix Final champion would be happy.But instead you're just standing there, on top of the podium, with tears in your eyes.
Relationships: Nathan Chen & Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Advent songfics challenge 2019 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558414
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Tragedy, plus time

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired to: Tragedy + Time - Rise against
> 
> Edit: Due to copyright restrictions, all the [lyrics ](https://genius.com/Rise-against-tragedy-time-lyrics) in the work have been replaced by an **x**.

  
**x [4]**

One would think that the Grand Prix Final champion would be sought by everyone, never a moment to catch a breath, officials to greet, interviews to give, everybody wanting pictures with you... But it's not like that, because somehow Nathan managed to sneak away and sit on a couch in a forgotten corner of the banquet.  
He planned to just stay there quietly, observe the people moving from table to table, drinking, chatting dancing... He likes to observe others, how they move, how they feel.  
He also assumed someone would notice him sooner or later, forcing him to dive back into the party. What he didn't expect was the one and only Yuzuru Hanyu silently plopping down next to him.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Silence. They just keep sitting next to each other and observing people without uttering a single word. There isn't any tension between them, but Nathan is a little insecure: Why is Yuzuru sitting next to him? Is he just looking for some calm like him? If so then he for sure could have picked other places to hide in.  
Finally, Yuzuru breaks the silence:

"They can really hurt you, without actually meaning to."

Nathan is about to ask for an explanation, but then thinks better of it, shutting his mouth and waiting to see if maybe Yuzuru will continue to talk. And after a lengthy pause, he actually does:

"It's like not seeing something that's right in front of your eyes. But of course we do, because how couldn't we. You do, you see it. And I see it too. And -and I saw you too."

"You saw me?" Asks Nathan startled. He'd intended to let Yuzuru talk without unnecessary interruptions, but this is something he didn't expect.

"Yeah. I mean, I didn't actually saw it," Yuzuru tries to explain. "more like I knew where to find the traces afterwards. Because I almost cried too."

**x [2]**

**x**

  
Nathan can't help but gasp, but he keeps quite again, knowing that there is more to come.

"I have been there, you know it. And maybe it was different, because every season it's always different, but I can understand. It was hard enough having to hear distant whispers and maybe catch sight of some livid sentence here and there. And I was.. adding to all of that myself." Yuzuru pauses for a second, taking a deep breath, "So I know how you are probably blaming yourself for this. How you have moments in which you think that they are right, and that it's your fault, for giving them the chance, by not being better, not doing more. How you think that you could have silenced them all, you should have silenced them all. And how you think that maybe, looking into it a bit more deeply, they have some right in what they did, because you gave it to them.

  
**x**

But they don't Nathan. And, more importantly, it's not something you can change. It is not a matter of what you did and what you didn't. Because there will always be this kind of angry wind blowing in your face when you're the first of the line. It's not like it didn't blast on my face too. It did, it was different, but it hurt all the same. But I want you to know that you don't have to walk suffering his lashes, lowering you head to the ground, hunching you back to protect yourself from it: you can turn your face to us, and keep going while watching over the ones that you lead, after all we do skate backwards most of the time."

**x**

  
Nathan lets him talk, it's a bit confusing, following this weird metaphor Yuzuru entered into, but he thinks he can keep up with it for now. He listens, attentive, thankful.

"I want you- No, I suggest-, well, just, it's good to look back" Continues Yuzuru, struggling a little to find the right wording, "to all the other people, and remember that we are all together. Even if we are all running after the same title and competing against each other, we are one, united, because we all love this. Remember that we love this. And we only can know how it feels like." He looks at Nathan, straight in the eyes, as seriously as when he takes his starting position Nathan thinks distractedly. "They don't know. And I'm not even sure they care. Many probably don't. They care about how they perceive things, and if they are not satisfied then things must be wrong. But only we know what it feels, to be here, to win and to fail like that. And to see what they did. Because you saw it, and I saw it too, we all did, and you are not the only one who hurt.

**x**

"You mean it?" Asks Nathan tentatively, a little incredulous.

"I do. It touches all of us. But we won't show it, ok? Not because we don't want to give them the satisfaction, there's nothing like that, it's just that we were not supposed to suffer from it. It's not aimed at us. Do you get me, Nathan?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Nathan answers, he thinks he probably lost half of what Yuzuru said, but this one last thing he got.

"Good. Because when I was turning to face you, I really wished to find myself wrong, I was not happy to find confirmations."

**x**

"We just keep going, ok? Together."

"Together." Nathan nods, and smiles, and they hug each other, warmly.

  
**x**

**x**

**Author's Note:**

> So... feel free to throw things at me (:


End file.
